Sarah went to a birthday party tonight, and upon arriving home, she engaged in that time honored pursuit of examining the loot in her goody bag.
As she repeatedly opened and collapsed an intriguing-looking metal sphere bedecked with jewels that was supposedly some sort of puzzle, she remarked, "This isn't magic, it's crap."
I believe she just discovered the secret of advertising.
Showing posts with label nablopomo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nablopomo. Show all posts
20 November 2009
19 November 2009
Kick them where it hurts
I have a love hate relationship with screen time. Because they want it ALL THE TIME, managing my children's access to it is extremely aggravating. But since they love it so, we are all beholden to it; they need their fix, and I need my threat.
In matters of discipline, you have to find the thing that most efficiently brings your charges to their knees. For my family, screen time is the closest thing we've got to a magic bullet. Screen time is my sword and my shield, and I do not hesitate to smite my kin at will. The Lord may giveth, but I taketh away.
Its power is so awesome that after months of all sorts of attempts at positive behavior modification, the promise of television may ultimately be the thing responsible for toilet training Sacha. If it proves successful, I will have no choice but to turn it into a shrine and make daily offerings.
And so while I sometimes contemplate banishing screen time altogether because I don't want to hear someone ask me one more time if they can watch tv/play Wii/use their iPod, in reality, what I really need is duplicate electronic devices, so that once I've taken away the privilege, I have a spare handy so I can do it all over again.
In matters of discipline, you have to find the thing that most efficiently brings your charges to their knees. For my family, screen time is the closest thing we've got to a magic bullet. Screen time is my sword and my shield, and I do not hesitate to smite my kin at will. The Lord may giveth, but I taketh away.
Its power is so awesome that after months of all sorts of attempts at positive behavior modification, the promise of television may ultimately be the thing responsible for toilet training Sacha. If it proves successful, I will have no choice but to turn it into a shrine and make daily offerings.
And so while I sometimes contemplate banishing screen time altogether because I don't want to hear someone ask me one more time if they can watch tv/play Wii/use their iPod, in reality, what I really need is duplicate electronic devices, so that once I've taken away the privilege, I have a spare handy so I can do it all over again.
17 November 2009
Women are awesome
Depending on your perspective, two weeks ago from Saturday I reached either the nadir or the zenith of my bout of swine flu — I've decided to refer to it as swine flu from here on in, because it sounds so medieval — when my fever climbed to 104 degrees.
I was of no use to anyone, and may actually have been delirious, and by 4pm I was fixated not on my fever, but the fact that by my admittedly irrational standards the house was a mess, we hadn't unpacked from our trip, the sheets needed changing, and I was useless to do anything about it.
David took the kids out so I could sleep, and after stewing in my juices for a bit, I made a very wise decision to call in the big guns, namely, my friends, Cassie and Sharon. Within twenty minutes they were at my house, armed with shop masks, bandannas and gloves, and they cleaned my house. They fetched me medicine, and beverages. They straightened, recycled and dusted, and if that were not enough, they scrubbed my bathroom.
If that's not love, what is?
One thing that multiple bouts of depression and childbirth have taught me is that when help is offered, SAY YES. From there, I sent out a second series of distress signals: SEND FOOD, and from that point forward, my family was well provisioned for the remainder of my illness.
Between that, and my mother providing child care and laundry services while David was at work, I had a domestic army at my service, and it was not only a great relief, but an awesome thing to behold; when women mobilize, they are a force to be reckoned with.
And although he is not a woman, I also have to thank David for holding down the fort in my absence, and for having the wisdom, upon coming home to a SWAT team cleaning his house, having the good sense to be relieved and grateful, rather than defensive.
Pranams to everyone.
I was of no use to anyone, and may actually have been delirious, and by 4pm I was fixated not on my fever, but the fact that by my admittedly irrational standards the house was a mess, we hadn't unpacked from our trip, the sheets needed changing, and I was useless to do anything about it.
David took the kids out so I could sleep, and after stewing in my juices for a bit, I made a very wise decision to call in the big guns, namely, my friends, Cassie and Sharon. Within twenty minutes they were at my house, armed with shop masks, bandannas and gloves, and they cleaned my house. They fetched me medicine, and beverages. They straightened, recycled and dusted, and if that were not enough, they scrubbed my bathroom.
If that's not love, what is?
One thing that multiple bouts of depression and childbirth have taught me is that when help is offered, SAY YES. From there, I sent out a second series of distress signals: SEND FOOD, and from that point forward, my family was well provisioned for the remainder of my illness.
Between that, and my mother providing child care and laundry services while David was at work, I had a domestic army at my service, and it was not only a great relief, but an awesome thing to behold; when women mobilize, they are a force to be reckoned with.
And although he is not a woman, I also have to thank David for holding down the fort in my absence, and for having the wisdom, upon coming home to a SWAT team cleaning his house, having the good sense to be relieved and grateful, rather than defensive.
Pranams to everyone.
15 November 2009
NaBloPoMo derailed by H1N1
Despite my best intentions, illness got the better of me. For a while, I was able to get by on my stash of posts, but last Friday, after a day spent traveling home from a funeral with a fever averaging 102, I had to cry uncle.
And while this may not qualify me for early adopter status, I like to think I was still in the forefront of a movement, having succumbed to the disease du jour at the onset of cold and flu season. After eight days of high fever, and eleven days total, I have rejoined civilization. To celebrate, yesterday's festivities included: cooking breakfast and dinner, and depositing and retrieving my children at school, and food shopping.
My review of H1N1: it sucks, but you will most likely not die.
And although I've blown it from a technical standpoint, because I make the rules in this universe, I am going to pretend that I never fell off the wagon, and reclassify NaBloPoMo as NaBloPoHaMo, because there are still fifteen days left in November.
Looking on the bright side, I do not have to fret about how to procure a coveted vaccine, because I've earned my immunity the old-fashioned way.
Behold my naturally derived immunity! As a public service, I will lick you.
And while this may not qualify me for early adopter status, I like to think I was still in the forefront of a movement, having succumbed to the disease du jour at the onset of cold and flu season. After eight days of high fever, and eleven days total, I have rejoined civilization. To celebrate, yesterday's festivities included: cooking breakfast and dinner, and depositing and retrieving my children at school, and food shopping.
My review of H1N1: it sucks, but you will most likely not die.
And although I've blown it from a technical standpoint, because I make the rules in this universe, I am going to pretend that I never fell off the wagon, and reclassify NaBloPoMo as NaBloPoHaMo, because there are still fifteen days left in November.
Looking on the bright side, I do not have to fret about how to procure a coveted vaccine, because I've earned my immunity the old-fashioned way.
Behold my naturally derived immunity! As a public service, I will lick you.
05 November 2009
Things I like and dislike
Do you like to play parlor games? I play them in my head all the time, which now that I admit this, gives the impression that I am easily amused, wildly creative, or extremely lonely. You choose!
I got the idea for this from Eden Kennedy at Fussy, who did a things I do not like post this week for nablopomo. I imposed a few rules on myself, because boundaries are a good thing. Because it is so often easier to be negative, for every item I dislike, I had to come up with something I do like.
To my surprise, I had to come up with negative things to balance the positive, not the other way around, as I would have expected. Look how far I've come!
Things I like
waking to the sound of falling rain
cream in my coffee
the arctic monkeys
walking
uttanasana
silence
salty sweet
lipstick
hot hot baths
being upside down
dinner parties
Things I dislike
cilantro
duwop
almond extract
minivans
brad pitt
running
nuts in baked goods
sea urchin
sponges that have not been sufficiently rung out
Philadelphia
white pepper
I got the idea for this from Eden Kennedy at Fussy, who did a things I do not like post this week for nablopomo. I imposed a few rules on myself, because boundaries are a good thing. Because it is so often easier to be negative, for every item I dislike, I had to come up with something I do like.
To my surprise, I had to come up with negative things to balance the positive, not the other way around, as I would have expected. Look how far I've come!
Things I like
waking to the sound of falling rain
cream in my coffee
the arctic monkeys
walking
uttanasana
silence
salty sweet
lipstick
hot hot baths
being upside down
dinner parties
Things I dislike
cilantro
duwop
almond extract
minivans
brad pitt
running
nuts in baked goods
sea urchin
sponges that have not been sufficiently rung out
Philadelphia
white pepper
03 November 2009
It's going to be a long day
It turns out that my powers of resistance are weaker than I hoped. Toward the end of last week David caught whatever non specific viral illness the children had, while I remained unscathed. This was somewhat unusual because David has a freakishly strong immune system, and I am normally the one to fall ill. I felt a bit left out for missing the sick party, but I wasn't going to complain.
But it turns out, my timing is impeccable, because now we are in Maryland sitting shiva, and I have taken ill. And so while everyone is at my sister in law's house, I am at my in-laws shivering with a fever of 102. And now I have what every mother desires; a quiet house to myself, a day alone, with no obligations. And yet I'm lonely, because these were not the circumstances under which I had hoped to get it.
It's going to be a long day. I am awaiting a delivery of rice pudding and trashy magazines.
But it turns out, my timing is impeccable, because now we are in Maryland sitting shiva, and I have taken ill. And so while everyone is at my sister in law's house, I am at my in-laws shivering with a fever of 102. And now I have what every mother desires; a quiet house to myself, a day alone, with no obligations. And yet I'm lonely, because these were not the circumstances under which I had hoped to get it.
It's going to be a long day. I am awaiting a delivery of rice pudding and trashy magazines.
02 November 2009
Speechless
My children were recovering from their first bout of sickness of the season, and after twenty-four hours without appetite, they began to exhibit signs of hunger. To capitalize on this, I made pizza for dinner. It's relatively gentle, and one of the rare things that everyone agrees on.
Toward the end of the meal, Sacha's plate was littered with crusts, not unlike the bones of a small mammal's carcass picked clean.
“More, PLEASE!” he demanded.
“Sacha, you know, you can eat those crusts.” David responded.
“Okay,” Sacha replied, and picked a crust and proceeded to eat it.
Just like that. No argument, no protest, no screaming.
And this is how I knew that he was not quite back to himself. Because under normal circumstances, there is NO WAY he would acquiesce so readily without putting up a fight.
Toward the end of the meal, Sacha's plate was littered with crusts, not unlike the bones of a small mammal's carcass picked clean.
“More, PLEASE!” he demanded.
“Sacha, you know, you can eat those crusts.” David responded.
“Okay,” Sacha replied, and picked a crust and proceeded to eat it.
Just like that. No argument, no protest, no screaming.
And this is how I knew that he was not quite back to himself. Because under normal circumstances, there is NO WAY he would acquiesce so readily without putting up a fight.
Perry Arla
Pamela was not my intended name. A contraction of παν (pan) "all" and μελι (meli) "honey," it means all sweetness. As baby names go, you can't get more auspicious.
When I was born, my parents intended to name me Perry Arla, which I've always thought is a kick-ass name. It is strong and unusual, and I like its androgyny.
I spent a good deal of time in my adolescence wondering what life would have been like had I remained Perry Arla. And although it was not my name, I experimented using it as my signature, as swoony girls do with the object of their crush's last name. I no doubt spelled it with an i, dotted with an over-sized bubble, or possibly a heart that threatened to capsize the whole affair.
Yet my maternal grandmother did not like Perry Arla one bit. She thought it sounded like a gum disease, and she may have had a point.
And so, on my original birth certificate, in fraying black and white mimeograph, the name field is blank, and there is a stamp on the back, dated January 9, 1969, which reads:
This is to advise you that the name "Pamela Allison" has been inserted on the birth record of your child in accordance with the notice recieved from you. Certified copies of the record made in future will include the childs full name.
And thus, I came into the world, with a ready made identity crisis. And while things have worked out well for me as Pamela, I thought I would take Perry Arla as my nom de plume, in homage to the girl I wasn't, and in gratitude for the one I am.
When I was born, my parents intended to name me Perry Arla, which I've always thought is a kick-ass name. It is strong and unusual, and I like its androgyny.
I spent a good deal of time in my adolescence wondering what life would have been like had I remained Perry Arla. And although it was not my name, I experimented using it as my signature, as swoony girls do with the object of their crush's last name. I no doubt spelled it with an i, dotted with an over-sized bubble, or possibly a heart that threatened to capsize the whole affair.
Yet my maternal grandmother did not like Perry Arla one bit. She thought it sounded like a gum disease, and she may have had a point.
And so, on my original birth certificate, in fraying black and white mimeograph, the name field is blank, and there is a stamp on the back, dated January 9, 1969, which reads:
This is to advise you that the name "Pamela Allison" has been inserted on the birth record of your child in accordance with the notice recieved from you. Certified copies of the record made in future will include the childs full name.
And thus, I came into the world, with a ready made identity crisis. And while things have worked out well for me as Pamela, I thought I would take Perry Arla as my nom de plume, in homage to the girl I wasn't, and in gratitude for the one I am.
30 October 2009
Executive decisions
After some wavering, dithering and prevaricating, I have decided to participate in NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month. It rolls off the tongue awkwardly, no? I am going to do my best to post something every day in November, which will be no small undertaking for me. I've stockpiled a few things, and I hope that is not considered cheating. Some items will be short, and a few may be lame, but I'll try my best to avoid that. Will I make it? I have no idea, but I'll do my best.
I am also changing my name. As of November 1, I am retiring Hausfrau. Hausfrau is an awesome blog name, and I can't think of anything that suits this blog better.
One of the things I'll miss most about Hausfrau, and in part why I chose it, is that in addition to a domestic vocation, it is also a porn name, in the sexy librarian mold, and I thought that was a good joke. One of the things I've learned via Google Analytics is that there are a lot of people trolling the Internet looking for hausfraus having sex. Sometimes they stumble across my site via keywords including some combination the two, including my favorite: “anal hausfrau blogspot”. You would think anyone looking for such footage would quickly navigate away from this site disappointed, but you would be wrong. Mr or Ms Anal Hausfrau Blogspot stayed to browse awhile. Maybe they found a recipe, or just related, because they are going through the exact same thing with their kids. Whatever they got, thanks for reading.
As much as I like it, hausfrau is also a very popular name, and there are a lot of us out there. For awhile, I've toyed with coming up with something more unconventional. A few weeks ago, I hit upon it.
I will tell you what it is on November 1.
I am also changing my name. As of November 1, I am retiring Hausfrau. Hausfrau is an awesome blog name, and I can't think of anything that suits this blog better.
One of the things I'll miss most about Hausfrau, and in part why I chose it, is that in addition to a domestic vocation, it is also a porn name, in the sexy librarian mold, and I thought that was a good joke. One of the things I've learned via Google Analytics is that there are a lot of people trolling the Internet looking for hausfraus having sex. Sometimes they stumble across my site via keywords including some combination the two, including my favorite: “anal hausfrau blogspot”. You would think anyone looking for such footage would quickly navigate away from this site disappointed, but you would be wrong. Mr or Ms Anal Hausfrau Blogspot stayed to browse awhile. Maybe they found a recipe, or just related, because they are going through the exact same thing with their kids. Whatever they got, thanks for reading.
As much as I like it, hausfrau is also a very popular name, and there are a lot of us out there. For awhile, I've toyed with coming up with something more unconventional. A few weeks ago, I hit upon it.
I will tell you what it is on November 1.
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